I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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