I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
