thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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