It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
