you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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