My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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