i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
