Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
