How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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