no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
