you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
