it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
