I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize