if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
