and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
