i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
