You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I stole a fireplace last night.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
