Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
