i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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