Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
