If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you win again, gameday.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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