I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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