Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
