Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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