Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
