I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
