oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
