also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
