What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
