I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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