like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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