The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
