u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
