$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
