when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
