well most of my day revolves around power hour
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
