PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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