kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
