But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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