she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize