Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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