I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I forgot how hot balto sounded
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
