I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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