Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize