Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
