You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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