I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
