I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
