week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
