Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
