Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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