I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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