You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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