Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
