You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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