There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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