i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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