This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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