Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
