My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
