The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
