Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
