I think this baby is eyeing my beer
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
