I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
