My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
