Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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