Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
