either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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