I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
