so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize