So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
