so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
