Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
