the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize