I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Best friends brother. Beat that.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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