btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
