So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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