I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
