***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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