Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
