are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
