Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize