But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
