Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
