she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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