My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
