How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Bring me that man meat
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
