I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
