I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize