i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
