Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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