why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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