i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
