4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
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