I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
