Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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