thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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