How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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