I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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