We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
