READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
