dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
literally had 100 drinks last night.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
