I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
