Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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