This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
