i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
